Here we go again.....

Its the time of year where Detroit Lions fans look longingly at the Swimsuit Issu......COUGH..... Superbowl matchup and wonder what it might take to someday be in such a position, and no I'm not still talking about the Swimsuit Issue. I don't have the time or the energy to write a volume the length of the Koran to dissect the entire problem, but the two weeks between the championship games and said 'Bowl is the time where I reflect most on the should'ves and the could'ves. While most Lions fans have been discussing the offseason and draft since Week 3, I was too involved with losing both of my fantasy football leagues while having a regular season record of 22-5, not to mention watching the playoffs to refresh my memory of what real American football should look like. But without further ado, I give you my Koran cliffnotes as it were to how the Lions can reverse their Cubs-like run at the bottom of the NFC.

#1. Draft Mr. Suh or Gerald McCoy. And yes I wrote Mr. Suh because I have no idea how the blazes to actually spell his first name. Where is that cat FROM anyway? Wherever he is from, draft all 8 players from there, and yes I know how many rounds there are in the NFL draft. Do some research of our picks this year before chastising me you intellectual weaklings. Sorry..... back on topic...... This isn't actually what I would consider the biggest need of our team, but the talent level of these two compared to everyone else in the draft is undeniable, and it still is a need. The biggest need in my mind is actually.....

#2. Get an effective Left Guard for all that is Holy. I'm sorry, I thought Manny Ramirez played baseball. What? Daniel Loper, Jon Jansen, and Ephriam Salaam couldn't fill in admirably after our starting Guard went to play for the Dodgers??? Why can't we be like the late great Broncos and have a dominating offensive line that can make Tatum Bell look like a Pro Bowler? Then we trade said mediocre running back for players that are actually talented. Fool proof. My plan is to re-sign Tatum in the offseason after we sign a Left Guard and have him amass 1,500 yards from scrimmage and then trade him back to the Broncos for Dre Bly. I don't understand why we haven't done this yet. Yes, yes I know the line would still not be perfect, but that is the weakest link, and helping out our running backs and our multi-million dollar baby faced quarterback is a huge necessity.

#3. Find a secondary. I don't even know why they call it a secondary. In the National Passhappy League it should be called a primary. It is the primary problem of our defense, besides the defensive line which gives opposing quarterbacks Adrian Peterson to throw........... All day?...........Nobody?............ Anyway, I basically just said "besides our secondary and our defensive line we have a pretty good thing going" which makes me want to kill myself. Which leads me to important thing #4.

#4. Get a sharp knife and end it already, but do so in the tub so your family has less to clean up. The team is so bereft of talent that bleeding out is a better option for me than to continue this post. Ugh.......

*No authors were hurt in the posting of this commentary.